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Monday, April 10, 2006
Does this make sense to you??


"Inertiatic ESP"

Now I'm lost
last night I heard lepers
flinch like birth defects
it's musk was fecal in origin
as the words dribbled off of its chin
it said I'm lost
I'm lost
now I'm lost
dolls wreck the minced meat of pupils
cast in oblong arms length
the hooks have been picking their scabs
where wolves hide in the company of men
it said
I'm lost
I'm lost
now I'm lost
are you peaking in the red
perforated at the neck
what of this mongrel architect
a broken arm of sewers set
past present and future tense
clipside of the pinkeye fountain
now I'm lost
it's been said
long time ago
you'll be the first and last to know
you'll never know

I think I maybe be just a little lost. This makes no sense to me. Maybe its not supposed to, but I'm lost. Its poetic and all, but it doesn't flow in my head. That's my beef with poetry. I read something and I make a visual in my head of what's going on. With most poems to me it's extremely difficult. Some are very easy to create a visual with it. Like Robert Frosts work or Walt Whitman. The older stuff like Shakespeare and Chaucer are harder to grasp I think, because I can't always get a visual. I don't believe it's because of the different times, but to me poetry is far from reality. When its real I feel like it's taking a true event and romanticizing it. Or putting it together in a fashion that lets the reader view it through a window. So you don't get all those raw emotions. I love poetry don't get me wrong, It's a great way to relay a tragedy or great romance to someone in a beautiful manner, but I think it lessens the pain or happiness of the actual writers story. I believe that's a good thing. Some of the most basic human emotions people can't deal with. They block them out. Or try to cover them up. Or regard them as less than they are. Poetry helps you see the human souls, but through rose colored lenses. Like touching a hot pan with a glove on. Its like you're seeing all of it, but you don't get to feel everything but you know it can be felt.

Posted at 09:49 pm by Hope63
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Saturday, April 08, 2006
Important lessons from Anita Blake

Everything I Need To Know About Life I Learned From Reading Anita Blake

Don't date vampires, kill them
The Executioner is shorter than you expect
Just because you're human doesn't mean you aren't one of the monsters
Zombies have rights too
Never waste a really good threat
An atheist with a cross is a truly pitiful sight
If you have to be anyone's property, go with people you know.
Screaming is for when you don't have anything better to do.
Guilt is a wonderful motivator.
Illusion is everything.
Cars are not fun to chase. They don't bleed.
People generally see what they want to see.
Paranoia is just another name for longevity.
Never forget who your enemies are.
Always get out of the way of charging werewolf.
If you French kiss a vampire, you risk lip and tongue injury.
Life is tough and the universe is not fair.
Sometimes there is nothing you can do.
Everyone is cannon fodder. Eventually.
Sometimes childish will get you what you want.
Jeans and sneakers do not inspire confidence as ceremonial get-up.

Posted at 06:46 pm by Hope63
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Sunday, October 30, 2005

My friend Anthony wrote a blog about feeling invisible go here to read it. Now I'm on my soap box. I totally understand the whole feeling invisible. Unlike Anthony I feel like it sucks, because you know no matter what you say everyone will look at you like you're an alien. Cuz you aren't supposed to be talking. You are background to them nothing else. I hate high school because of this. Everyone is designated into their own little areas and they are supposed to stay there. Well I'm sorry I was late the day the passed out to everyone where their supposed to be. I didn't get one. I didn't get a part. What am I supposed to do? "Be background!" They say. WTF! High school sucks ass! Ok I'm done ranting cause I'm graduating in May. Its almost over. Only 7 months!

Posted at 08:40 pm by Hope63
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Friday, October 28, 2005
Such Great Heights

I am thinking it's a sign
That the freckles in our eyes
Are mirror images and
When we kiss they're perfectly aligned

And I have to speculate
That God himself did make us into
Corresponding shapes like puzzles pieces
From the clay

True, it may seem like a stretch
But it's thoughts like this
That catch my troubled head
When you're away, when I am missing you to death

When you were out there on the road
For several weeks of shows
And when you scan the radio
I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
"Come down now," they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
"Come down now," but we'll stay

I've tried my best to leave
This all on your machine
But the persistent beat
Sounded thin upon listening

That frankly will not fly
You will hear the shrillest highs
And lowest lows with the windows down
When this is guiding you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
"Come down now," they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
"Come down now," but we'll say...

Posted at 08:39 pm by Hope63
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Sunday, October 23, 2005
You know the proverbial knife that everyone inevitably stabs you in the back with?

Guys confuse me soooo much. People confuse me. How can someone have a thing for you and you obviously recipricate the feelings, but they don't want to act on it. Meanwhile you're practically holding up a sign that says "I will do anything for you to acknowledge the fact that I absolutely adore everything you are". It seems I'm not getting anywhere, with anyone. I'm lost. I'm just gonna let whatever happens, happen. Its just this scab I can't stop picking.

Posted at 08:37 pm by Hope63
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Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Fill this out or you will mysteriously lose an eye!

Copy this then go to add comment and paste it and fill it out:)

1. Who are you?

2. Are we friends?

3. When and how did we meet?

4. Do you have a crush on me?

5. Would you kiss me?

6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

7. Describe me in one word.

8. What was your first impression?

9. Do you still think that way about me now?

10. What reminds you of me?

11. If you could give me anything what would it be?

12. How well do you know me?

13. When's the last time you saw me?

14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?

Posted at 08:36 pm by Hope63
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Monday, October 17, 2005
Boyfriend Application

Boyfriend Application

Hair (color and style):

1. Where would we go on dates?
2. Who are three of your favorite bands/artists?
3. Do you drink/smoke?
4. Do you like the beach?
5. If so...would you go with me late at night?
6. Do you like movies?
7. If so would you stay up and watch them with me all night?
8. If you were to take me out to a movie would we watch the movie?
9. If not what would we be doing?
10. Do you play an instrument?
11. If so...what?
12. How would you rate your hugs from 1-10?
13. Favorite body part on a girl?
14. What would you say is the best thing about yourself?
15. Do you have any reps (ie: heartbreaker, player, slut)?
16. Would you give me kisses just because?

What Would You do if...
I cried:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I wanted to have wild, crazy monkey sex with you:
I touched your ass:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got in a fight and you were there:
I got dumped:
I pissed you off:

What Do You Think Of My...
Choice of music:

Would You...
Be my friend:
Tell me the truth no matter what:
Buy me a birthday gift:
Lie to make me feel better:
Spread rumors about me:
Go out at 4am to get me chocolate:
Keep a secret if I told you one:
Loan me some cash:
Hold my hand:
Keep in touch:
Make me a snack:
Try and solve my problems:
Love me:
Makeout with me:
Ditch me:
Use me:
Ask me out:
Date me:
Have wild, crazy monkey sex with me:

Posted at 08:34 pm by Hope63
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Tuesday, October 11, 2005

   Lately I've been getting faced like on a regular basis. It sucks balls but there is nothing I can do to stop it. I think its Karma for screwing over a certain person that I will forever pine for, but I'm not letting it consume me not like Rich did. I hate being afraid though. So I decided to put myself out there to get over my fear and I get squashed like a little ant on the side walk the big shoe didn't even see. I want it to stop so I came to the conclusion of just not putting anything out there to get burned till someone better suited for me comes along. I've also slowy gotten to the point where I can sit down and have a conversation with a guy and not flirt. I still don't see the difference, but YaY! for me. I just don't want to be lonely anymore. I want someone of my own to kiss. ERRGG! Had the chance and fucked that all to hell. But kept my honor in the process. He will never realize what I would have lost. I think that is the worst part. I just want him to be angry at me so I can be angry at him and not be able to hug him all the time when I really don't want to let go, but then there is that hole space issue so social manners say I have to let go because he is not mine. Its so hard to be around him, but I can't stop thinking of him. Damn this sucks. I hurt myself and him. Not even for selfish reasons. I made a prior arrangement and I had to honor that even though it tore me up in ways I've never been. The "What Might Have Been" is the worst thought I think I've ever had. But how do you move on when nothing happened to move on from? I'm so lost. I need to forget, but nothing is helping. Especially when the guy I don't wan't is standing in front of me and he is in the next room.

Posted at 09:22 pm by Hope63
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Friday, September 30, 2005
Its always here where I regret you...

I drink good coffee every morning
Comes from a place thats far away
And when i'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say

Don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
That if I lived til I was a hundred and two
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

No longer moved to drink strong whiskey
I shook the hand of time and I knew
That if I lived 'till I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

A face that dances and it haunts me
With laughter still ringin in my ears
I still find pieces of your presence here
even, even after all these years

I don't want you thinkin that I don't get asked to dinner
Cuz I'm here to say that I sometimes do
And even though I may seem to feel a touch of love
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

If I lived til I was a hundred and two
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

Posted at 08:28 pm by Hope63
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Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Scorpio and a Taurus

Sorry I haven't been on in forever! We don't have the internet in my house at the moment. So I'm at the local library. A ton of things are different in my life and I'm still adjusting. I'm now a Senior. WooT! Class of 2006! Things at the dojo have changed, my great grandma just died so my ENTIRE family was here. I also like a guy, I'm being pretty quite about that though. I have no clue where that is going. I turn 18 in 1 month and 12 days.YaY!! I'm just so super busy. I'm like'n life right now though. I'm not quite sure if anyone even reads this anymore. If anyone wants to talk though send me a message or leave a comment.Or give me a call. I love getting phone calls.LOL! Sorry inside joke. Anywayz,

                                      Peace, Love, Understanding

Posted at 08:26 pm by Hope63
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Next Page
On the surface I may seem easy-going and congenial, but I am also extremely tenacious with a need to manipulate and control my situations. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Im very open and tactless. However, in relationships I rarely display my true feelings. I hold back some of myself, even at the most open and communicative moments.

"There's never enough time to
do all the nothing
you want."
-Calvin and Hobbes

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."

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